3-Minute Theory: Everything That Broke You Was Preparing You

Malcolm was using substances every day just to get out of bed.

Every morning, thoughts of ending his life. The moment the substances hit, temporary relief. Repeat.

That was his life at 29. Not because he was weak. Because he had never been given the tools to feel what needed to be felt.

Two years into sobriety, a woman opened up to him about her childhood abuse. His body started shaking. Tears came from nowhere.

And then the memory surfaced. At six or seven years old, he had been sexually abused by his father.

He didn't collapse. He asked a question instead. What does it actually mean to be a man?

That question changed everything.

MIND – Think

“If I can look at what happened to me not from why is this happening to me, but why is this happening for me, then everything changes.”

Malcolm calls life a series of initiations. Not a series of punishments.

Divorce. Bankruptcy. Addiction. Loss. Abuse.

The victim mindset asks why me. The initiated man asks what is this asking of me.

Like a jiu-jitsu belt, every initiation requires you to go through something before you can carry the next version of yourself.

The reframe isn't toxic positivity. It's a choice about where you place your attention.

Pointing the finger changes nothing. Taking responsibility for what happens next changes everything.

BODY – Do

“80% of the information comes from the body. 20% from the mind. So let's go into the body first.”

Malcolm's work doesn't start in the head. It starts with sensation.

Where do you feel it? What's the texture? What colour would you give it?

Try this

• Close your eyes. Take three slow breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth.

• Ask yourself: what am I feeling right now, and where do I feel it in my body?

Don't analyse it. Just notice it. Name it. Stay with it for 60 seconds.

That's it. That is going inward. Do it once a day this week.

Malcolm also shared one of the most powerful communication tools in the episode.

Stop saying "you don't care about me." Start saying "I'm feeling lonely right now."

Perceptions can be debated. Emotions cannot.

That one shift alone can change the entire dynamic of a relationship.

HEART – Feel

“You can't fully hold your woman if you've never let another man hold you.”

Malcolm's nine-month sobriety chip moment is one of the rawest things in this episode.

Walking down the lane, people cheering, and all he felt was shame.

He couldn't look up. Couldn't receive it.

Then a woman grabbed his shoulder and said: Malcolm, let the love in. You deserve this.

And he cried. For the first time, the love actually came in.

That's the paradox he leaves us with. Seeking help is already an act of self-love. Even before you can feel it. Even before you believe you deserve it.

The men most in need of love are often the ones least able to receive it.

The work is not just healing the wounds. It's learning to let the good in too.

A Piece of Us

Rupert: “I am more like myself this week. Even though I’m in a tough spot financially and not fully on top of my expenses, I’m proud that I don’t let it define me or pull me under.

Money brings its own kind of weight bills, rent, credit cards. It’s constant, and at times it feels heavy in a way that’s not just practical but emotional. But I’m learning to separate that pressure from who I am. However intense it feels, it isn’t my identity.

What matters is how I respond to it. And I can see that I’m handling it better I’m staying steady, not spiralling, not losing perspective.

We’re all capable of more than we think. This is just a moment, not a definition.”

Konrad: “Just finished a 3-day Vipassana course. It was uncomfortable in ways I didn’t expect.

Every session I’d be sitting with pain, telling myself “this hurts, I can’t do this” - and the more I said it, the worse it got.

Then on the last day the teacher said something that hit different: “The more you focus on something, the more you get it. Don’t wish the pain away, just accept it and move on.” So I tried it. Sat with the pain.

Accepted it as just a sensation. Moved on. And it disappeared.

That’s when it clicked - this is just life. The more you focus on the bad, the more it grows. Accept it for what it is, and keep moving.

Three days of sitting still taught me more than I expected.

Any of you did Vipassana before? How was your experience?”

The next episode will be released on Sunday. With DENNIS McKENNA - I can’t even believe I’m writing this… We spoke about consciousness and his experience in La Chorrera. It was interesting. Will definitely get him on one more time for PART 2!

Also, you might like the full episode of this newsletter. 😊 

Have a lovely week